Chapter 2: Learning To Fall Down
Around 8:30-9:00 every morning my phone sends me a notification reminding me that I didn't check my Timehop yet today. Actually it does this regardless of if I have looked at the app today or not BUT it's helpful on days I forget. On days I don't forget I question why I turned the notification on, but that half a second swipe it takes to send it away is really not worth the anger I wanna throw its way. I usually laugh at how awful my Facebook status's were or how desperate my tweets sound, and let's not forget the awful outfit choices I have made in the past (insert monkey covering eyes emoji). But today the hit was a little different.
A year ago today I was sitting in my stalled car at a green light in the middle of Abilene. The night before my car had shut down while I was driving it and I called my parents in a panic. The panic was in hopes they would drive to Abilene and take care of my car for me.. This is where grown up me came to the realization that I was on my own now and taking my car to the shop had to be done by myself. It was heart breaking, actually. This car stall happened to me on the way to the shop. I had tried my hardest to take the route that had the least red lights or stop signs because stopping my car was when the stalls happened. But here I was.. literally ONE block away from the shop.. My heart was racing, the tears were welling, and somehow I managed to phone my friend and make a few understandable words out that somewhat detailed my location. Thankfully I did remember to turn on my flashers in the hopes of not getting rear ended or honked at. A few minutes later a car pulled up next to me that seated two highly questionable middle aged men. They offered to help push my car out of the road. Me, willing to take help from ANYONE that had a better resolution than just sitting in my car until I died, accepted the offer. Once my car was pulled in to a parking lot they asked where I was headed. I pointed across the highway at the shop. The determined men convinced themselves and me that they could make it across the double highway in to the shop. I, slightly terrified of the two men to say no and slightly out of any other option, let one of them jump in the drivers seat and take us off. My one smart move was keeping my friend on the phone the entire time and the fact that he was almost at the shop himself to pick me up anyways. I made it to the shop alive and jumped in to my friends truck. He made one glance at me and said "you do realize they could have kidnapped you and taken you to mexico?" I glanced back at him with the straightest face I've ever held and said "at this point I don't actually care." The sad thing was that I was 100% serious. Little did I know.. that extra long week had just begun.
I spent most of the day at work looking for potential replacement cars. Although my day had started bad, it was one of my close friends birthdays that night. So in hopes of reviving my bad day I began to plan a surprise dinner for him. I successfully gathered up about 8 people to surprise him at a dinner that he thought was only gonna be accompanied by me. The surprise was successful and my week started to look up. The next morning I woke up to the realization that I was without a functioning car still. So I grabbed a ride with my best friend and then roommate. The ride was fine until we parked outside my work to drop me off. Those ever scary, always nerve wracking words fell out of her mouth "can we talk?" Little did I know that I was being kicked out for an ever vague reason that I left unquestioned and excused myself out of the car.
I stepped in to work and was thankfully about 15 minutes early because as soon as the door shut behind me the water works poured out. And if you know me AT ALL you know I do not cry in front of people. Luckily I was able to make a mad dash for the restroom without a soul noticing my upset face. Then it hit me twice as hard. I had no car AND I had no place to live. At this point I didn't know who to turn to aside from my mom. I anxiously sat as the phone rang, parts in hope she wouldn't answer and parts in hopes she would. She did. I let out two words before her mothers instinct kicked in to say "is everything okay?". I barely made out the words "I just got kicked out of my house" before my words became unrecognizable behind the tears. At some point I also mustered out the words "I just can't take anything else". My mom, holding back tears of her own, reassured me that "everything was gonna be okay". Although I always knew this to be truth, my mind could not grasp that concept at this moment.
I finally calmed myself enough to walk in to the area of work where all my coworkers were. I took a seat in my chair and starred directly at my computer without a word leaving my mouth for a solid two hours. Finally I felt calm enough to where I could talk and I wouldn't start crying immediately after opening my mouth. I made small talk the rest of the day but didn't attempt at any fluff on the conversations that were held. At some point I ended up telling my closest coworker what had happened. My parents picked me up from work that Thursday and drove me to my current evicted residence where I grabbed enough things to make it over night and then went out for Chinese. Chinese is my guilty pleasure. Although my appetite wasn't up to par, I managed to shovel a plate full down.
Friday night after work, I had managed to convince two friends for use of their vehicles and hands to help me pack. We completed the loads and began the 30 minute drive to Albany. I was moving home. This hit hard. Although it was only for about two months, I felt like life had shot me all the way to rock bottom.
We finally finished unloading all three cars at my new (but old) home and it was now 11 pm. Although we were exhausted my coworker and I began our trek to Georgetown (my escape, my home away from home). Because sometimes anywhere but here is where you need to be at the end of a long day. That weekend was full of absolutely nothing which was ever so appreciated by my brain and stress level. When I got back home that Sunday evening my body was still part in shock of the past few days and part full of hatred. I needed a better, or an actual, reason as to why I got kicked out. I needed adults to act like adults. I needed the people in my life that I thought were my non blood constants to to be well, constant. I just needed one part of my life to give me a break.
- excerpts from the book I have yet to sit down and make myself write